I know what you are thinking. God help us, an article from a die-hard feminist who doesn’t shave, and doesn’t wear a bra, telling us how men are the enemy and how the world needs to be run by women.
Wrong.
I respect men, and I actually think they have it harder than women in some ways.
Say what? I hear you say.
Well, when men are little boys, they are praised for their cute chuckles. Their soppy kisses and hugs are welcome and their sobs result in a hug from someone they love, telling them it’s all going to be better soon.
Fast forward a few years and suddenly it all changes. Older boys are told to ‘suck it up’ if they cry. Phrases like ‘crying is for girls’ and ‘boys do not talk about their feelings’ become regular retorts when a boy dares expresses himself.
I am no psychologist but I am observer, and now that I have a son of my own and know other mums who are raising boys, I can clearly see that the ‘macho’ way men are expected to behave is not an innate characteristic. It is something society dictates.
Little boys and girls both have feelings; they both cry if they get hurt, whether physically or emotionally, they are both empathic and caring, and young girls and boys play together without a care in the world about the other child’s gender.
Why are us women raised to believe we can be anything we want to be, whilst young boys are told that anything that is remotely associated with being feminine, is off limits?
Yet as they grow up, for some reason, society dictates that it is okay for girls to cry and talk about their feelings, but God forbid boys do that, because it is perceived as a sign of weakness.
Why is it applauded for a girl to aspire to be a footballer or an engineer (careers that are usually associated with men), whereas if a boy were to express his dream of being a chef or a teacher (which are jobs that have been historically associated with women), then it is a problem?
Why is it okay for a girl to play with a ‘tool-set’ but frowned upon for a little boy to play with a ‘tea-set’?
Why are us women raised to believe we can be anything we want to be, whilst young boys are told that anything that is remotely associated with being feminine, is off limits?
Because being feminine is associated with being weak; with being inferior; with being sub-standard, and that is where the root of the problem lies.
When you really think about it, in order for boys to be free to show their feelings and be whoever they want to be, then women need to be brought up to the same level and stop being perceived as the ‘weaker sex’.
So by empowering women, we are empowering men to be who they want to be.
So what am I suggesting? That we start dressing up our sons in floral pink dresses and encourage them to play with dolls? Though I do not think that would make any difference in their sexual orientation, it is not what I am suggesting.
What I am saying is, let’s give boys a break.
Let us teach them that it is okay if another boy cries because he is upset.
Let us encourage them to reach out to that other boy, instead of teasing him because he is being ‘soppy’.
Let us teach our boys how to answer other boys who tease them for expressing themselves.
Let us educate society.
Let us talk about this.
Let us be the change that everybody wants and that society desperately needs.
It is a known fact that despite the social inequality women experience, they live longer than men. This is the case without a single exception, in all countries. Some psychologists have attributed one of the reasons for this to the fact that Women are better neighbours. “Women express their emotions and reduce stress through communicating needs and feelings more than men,” says Georgianna Donadio, PhD, program director for the National Institute of Whole Health in Wellesley, Mass.
Boys who are allowed to express themselves, grow into men that can have solid relationships with others. Instead of internalising feelings, they will learn to express them.
So by raising boys, more like we raise girls, we are not only helping boys and girls be who they want to be, we are also helping to build a healthier society for our children.
I don’t think feminism can be synonyms with wearing a bra or armpit hair anymore, that was for time when they tried convincing women not to breastfeed and go to work instead (the 70s). I agree with first wave feminism to a certain degree since fought for equality (to be equal and risk, not to insist on change and red carpet), but second and third? They about changing men through their own victimisation.
Realising that men have it harder than women in some ways is logical, you’d have to be quite naive to think that half the world have it better just because of their gender.
We know that raising children is the central experience of life, for both men and women. Pre-industrial revolution fathers had spent most of their working days with their sons, each generation of fathers has passed on less and less to his sons — not just less power but less wisdom. And less love. There are a lot of reasons… the economy decided that someone had to leave the house to work, it was usually the man who was chosen.
Men lost their relationship status after the industrial age, and lost their skill set in the internet age.
Mothers are naturally close to their young children, men a close second (especially with sons). In the last 200 years, men have been losing both authority and presence in the family and saying that we teach boys to be like girls is pretty much the last straw.
Women rape men by not respected them, or respecting them less and less.
The hierarchical differences between men and women used to differ dramatically. We have lost that, divorce rate is at its highest, nuclear families became more nuclear and the women happiness index has been declining since the 70s.
The most unpopular gender fact is that through DNA studies we’ve found that women had twice as many ancestors as men, how? Women generally had a child, while a man would have two+ or nothing at all. Half the men had no children, men have always had to fight for women until now. Now men are treated as women. What you are saying is in every feminist blog on the internet.