I have been meaning to write this post for a while, but never seemed to find the time. Time being the golden word. A word that in the life of a working mum is more precious than Pippa Middleton’s engagement ring.
Before I became a mum I knew it would be tough to juggle a full time job and having a child. However never did I realise just how hard it was really going to be.
My son is the light of my life and I will do anything for him, which is is partly the reason why I wanted to keep focusing on my career after I became a mother.
I have often thought about stopping for a few years and focusing primarily on him, however I go back to why I work.
It’s not just the financial benefit but also the emotional one. It is something I love to do, something I am good at. I want to succeed and when my son grows a little older, I want him be able to appreciate how hard his mum works.
I sometimes feel like the Duracell bunny who is constantly running on the last 10%.
The Guilt
So it was a conscious choice for me to continue working full-time. However as we all know, life is not like the movies. It’s a constant work-life balance struggle and being able to give 100% to so many different roles is exhausting and emotionally draining at times. I sometimes feel like the Duracell bunny who is running on the last 10%.
I live in a permanent state of guilt. Where guilt hangs over me like a scarlet letter with a capital G!
A permanent state of ‘bad mum syndrome’ as I call it. Where I feel I’m not giving enough, and my son is missing out on things.
This usually gets worse when he misses an event, goes late to a party or when my friends message and say they are meeting up with the kids, and I know I definitely won’t be able to join them!
Weekends become this ultra-packed agenda where I try and schedule as many family activities as possible.
It’s like a dark cloud overcomes me and all I want to do is cry.
I then look at my son and see how happy he is and, although the guilt remains, I pull myself out of the cloud and his smile motivates me to work even harder to ensure he gets all the experiences I can give him.
Call me ‘Mumzilla’
This permanent state of guilt does take its toll and has turned me into this ‘Mumzilla’ who is constantly on a treadmill. It’s like I don’t want to let myself slow down with the fear that something will give if I do.
So weekends have become this ultra-packed agenda where I try and schedule as many family activities as possible. I call it ‘Compact-Weekend-Time’ and in essence it is me trying my best to make up for the time I need to dedicate to my career during the week.
Organisation, well dis-organised organisation became my middle name !
I start planning activities, play dates, birthday parties well in advance. I can’t leave everything to the last minute or it just creates too much chaos.
So I make sure I plan things when he is asleep so I don’t miss out on spending quality time with him when I can. For example, shopping is best done through e-bay or online! One click away when laying in bed and voila done, and no need to hassle with parking and the tension of going shopping!
And what can I say about socks! Sock goblins have definitely moved into my washing machine…
I recently watched a film where Sarah Jessica Parker was this full-time working mum. She looked perfect, left the house looking like a million dollars, was impeccable and it made me think.
Although the sentiments at the end were similar: that we all suffer from guilt and the feeling that we can do more, life once again isn’t like the movies!
The word GYM unfortunately is not in my vocabulary and with my schedule the way it is, it’s impossible to fit it in.
So along with guilt, running on a constant treadmill of life has left me with those few extra kilos that just become the cherry on the cake at times. Something has to give, or stretch more like it!
Clean Freak No More
I used to be a complete clean freak. God forbid there was something out of place in the house. At one point I even used to iron my bed sheets, when on the bed, to ensure they are perfect!
Now? Unfortunately, I don’t have the perfect house and yes you will open a drawer and feel like you are at a car-boot sale.
And what can I say about socks! Sock goblins have definitely moved into my washing machine, as I lose socks at an increasingly alarming rate.
With time I have somewhat learned to calm down and accept certain things, and just breathe. It’s not the end of the world if a cushion isn’t straight, something has to give right?
Stop. Breathe.
On the whole I love being a mum, a wife and a career woman. I love the cuddles and appreciation I get from my son which are more precious than gold.
I just need to learn to slow down at times and to get rid of this guilty feeling.
So to all the working mums out there. Stop. Breathe. Take 2 minutes and look around at how happy your children are.
Guilt is something we have to learn to live with. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let other people’s judgement get to you, we are all different and raise our children in different ways.
And yes, you ARE doing a fantastic job, your child’s smile is there to prove it!
This blog post was brought to you by BuzyMummy.com guest contributor Natasha Giorgio, mother, wife and Brand Manager working in the I-gaming Sector.
Her motto to life is to add a little bit of fun to everything that you do.
Natasha has recently started her own blog about her journey as a mum. Follow here here.
